Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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