I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
