I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
