at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
