I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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