I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
