you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
