her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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