Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize