On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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