girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
