This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
