If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she smelled like a LAN party
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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