If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
