i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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