i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
