The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
