What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
