He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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