Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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