real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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