i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
