i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
