Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
