just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
