Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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