Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
