I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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