have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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