Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
