I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I could make wine with my vomit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize