so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
