i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
