We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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