worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
