Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I won the penis lottery.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize