if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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