Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
