I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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