i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize