well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're a waste of cheezeits
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize