I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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