Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she was so not down for the gang bang
The best revenge is premature balding
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
