I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Welp...herpes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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