I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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