So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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