Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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