I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's blow job season.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
