Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
