No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
