I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
