So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
