best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
