So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
