My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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