i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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