Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
