how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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