but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
not ubering you a puppy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
