So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize