we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
