the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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