whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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