my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
