I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
