someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
