i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
