that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
