i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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